River Poem:
Where It Belongs
Go ahead and say it to me
That you know all I can be,
You’ve been studying every droplet
Of my ever-changing sea.
But weren’t you ever taught
That seas are simply where it ends?
The aspects that tell the story
Are the river’s that swirls and bends.
The ocean isn’t everything,
It’s part of its’ of course,
But you can never judge its currents
If you do not know its’ beginning.
Explanation:
First and foremost, this poem was inspired by the poem Rivers written by Eric Hansen an amazing poet that I recently found and I knew that I had to incorporate his works in my first official poetry attempts.
I was really stricken when I first read Eric Hansen’s poem from which my work was inspired because it revolved around many topics including belonging, and pretenses of all sorts.
The first few lines are directed towards those who derive their own false assumptions about others with little to no true facts specifically the line, “That you know all I can be.” This line made me think of adults or other teens that belittle others and come to an overall basis for the level skills that the individual has in a particular area; similar to words/phrases such as worthless, useless, you will amount to nothing, etc.,
The following lines talk about change and how with the passage of time we all as human beings progress for better or for worse. The line “studying every droplet of my ever-changing sea” suggests that outsiders be it specific individuals or the society as a whole are dissecting and watching every movement that you make; they are just waiting for you to fall.
After that, the next few lines outline the ignorance and foolishness of these people through the line “But weren’t you ever taught” this line adds another layer of depth to the poem because it is almost revealed of the idiocy of those judgemental folks in the beginning. Moreover, there is parallelism, in the beginning, those who were acting all high and mighty were lowering others, but now they are being lowered.
Nearing the end of the poem the message leads to the fact that there are connections amongst many things and one thing may lead to the next. Furthermore, for those that choose to judge it is important to look at the bigger picture before coming to these false conclusions.
Finally, the last line “you can never judge its currents if you do not know its’ beginning” adds to the previous theme of acknowledging where something comes from and the circumstances that they are coming from before getting angry at them for their behavior or attitude.
Overall, this was my first attempt at writing an official poem and this piece really captures my emotions and how I feel about the treatment of many individuals within society today and I hope that that changes, and becomes more welcoming and accepting.
This poem was inspired by:
The River Walk that we did as a class and the beautiful poem Rivers by Erin Hanson
Digital Images:
http://www.bingwallpaperhd.com/giverny-garden-spring.html
Dear Kshef,
This piece was amazing! It was short and sweet and I loved the use of imagery and metaphors that you played with throughout your poem. The ocean left a serenity that washed over me after reading each detailed and carefully chosen line. I loved how you included a question mark in this specific line,”That seas are simply where it ends?,” it made it feel more distinctive from the other lines and it clearly reminds the reader that the character is talking to someone else. I loved your piece in terms that it made me feel like I was actually living the moment of the oceans and helped me relate to the main theme of the poem.
Again, your piece was beautiful and I would read it over and over again. There is just a minor thing that I would fix in it to make it even better. Although you had a strong use of metaphors I believe you could have add more to portray more of the characters emotions.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading your piece. I hope to read more of your writing on your blog in the near future.
Sincerely,
Mariam
Dear Mariam,
The fact that you enjoyed reading the piece that I have composed makes me very happy. I am an inexperienced blogger and I am still finding my way so, I greatly appreciate the constructive feedback that you have given me! There are still some areas of my writing that I can improve upon and with the comment that you have supplied me with. I will do my very best in order to implement the suggestions that you have proposed in order to further my writing and be able to write a strong piece that hopefully contains a further use of figurative language.
I thank you again for your time in commenting and reading my blog 🙂
Sincerely,
Kshef
Dear Kshef,
This piece was amazing! I really how you took the idea of a river but then added your twist and message to the poem. I feel like as a poem that is a difficult skill to master, to add meaning to your writing, because you can make words sound pretty but they can have very little impact on the reader. I really appreciate the thought that you put into this piece, and there isn’t really anything I would critic but I would like to see you play with syntax in order to make your writing even more impactful.
Sincerely,
Aliza
Dear Aliza,
The fact that you enjoyed reading the piece that I have composed makes me very happy. I am an inexperienced blogger and I am still finding my way so, I greatly appreciate the feedback that you have given me! There are still some areas of my writing that I can improve upon and with the comment that you have supplied me with. I will do my very best in order to implement the suggestions that you have proposed in order to further my writing and be able to write a strong piece that hopefully contains the improvements that you have suggested.
I thank you again for your time in commenting and reading my blog and I look forward to reading your book🙂
Sincerely,
Kshef